Repairing the Royals

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“It’s called a strike. Ever hear of that, Sanchez?”

Fire Ned Yost and Dayton Moore. I was going to write that Sunday after the Royals lost their third straight game to the mighty Minnesota Twins, wasting a golden opportunity to inch closer to .500 and pull within a couple of games of first place in the A.L. Central.

But I’m holding off on that for now. It would be nice if Yost realized the Royals aren’t in the National League. And it would be nice if Moore would stop trading our best players for piles of garbage.

For now, I don’t blame those two entirely. We all knew the rotation was going to be an issue, and it has lived up to those lofty expectations. Our Time is probably still at least a year away (if it ever is Our Time).

In the meantime, here’s what the Royals should do while they still have a pulse in the playoff race:

CUT JONATHAN SANCHEZ …

This should have been done weeks ago. It’s like watching an atomic bomb go off every five days. As if it’s not bad enough that he’s sucking at a historic rate (1-4, 6.80 ERA, 40 BBs, 32 Ks), he also clearly doesn’t care.

Kansas City has a talented, young, hungry team. It doesn’t need a giant waste of space and malcontent on the roster. Enough of the likes of Jose Guillen and Neifi Perez. I’d rather see Sluggerrrrrr pitch.

TRADE (OR PLATOON) JEFF FRANCOEUR …

He’s a great team leader, you say. He sucks, I retort. I don’t care how much of a vocal leader this guy is, at some point (and that point may already be here), the younger players are going to wonder why they should follow a guy whose slugging percentage is under .400.

Francoeur is a corner outfielder with the range of my keyboard and his projected numbers are 15 homers and 50 RBIs. That’s two months of work for Wil Myers at Omaha.

Wil Myers is the Roy Hobbs of AAA baseball, which is why he’s playing AAA baseball.

CALL UP WIL MYERS …

The Royals’ cheapness continues to know no bounds. To save service time, they haven’t promoted the best hitter in minor-league baseball. Never mind that their offense has been mediocre, that they need a right fielder who actually drives in runs and that they’re somehow in contention.

CALL UP ANYBODY FOR SANCHEZ …

You want to hold off on Jake Odorizzi and Mike Montgomery (who sucks right know anyway), fine. But virtually every pitcher on Omaha’s roster right now is a better option than Sanchez. Hell, I’d rather see a monkey from Omaha’s world famous zoo pitch.

Nate Adcock, Doug Davis, Will Smith, Ryan Verdugo, Warren Buffett. I’ll take anybody in Nebraska over Sanchez.

Two more lineup changes and Ned Yost gets a Shamwow towel.

STOP CHANGING THE LINEUP …

I’m convinced Ned Yost has ADD (and at times a low IQ). Every night, the lineup changes, except for Francoeur and his .387 slugging percentage in the five hole.

Leave Alcides Escobar at No. 2 while he’s hot, leave Butler at No. 3, put Hosmer at No. 5 while he works out of his slump, which he appears to be doing.

At least Yost finally stopped moving Alex Gordon all over the place.

An ideal and healthy lineup: (7) Gordon, (8) Cain, (DH) Butler, (5) Moustakas, (3) Hosmer, (9) Myers, (2) Perez, (6) Escobar, (4) Giavotella/Getz.

STOP PLAYING AT HOME …

We have season tickets for every Sunday game at home. The Royals have not won a game we’ve been to. It’s July. Feel free to stay on the road for a long while.

STOP PLAYING ON WEEKENDS …

Back-to-back weekends, back-to-back crushing series against the Cardinals and Twins. Six losses in seven games, which wiped out Kansas City sweeps immediately before the series.

STOP BUNTING …

For the love of god and all things sacred and holy, please stop bunting every inning. There is no bonus for setting a major league record for attempted bunts.

STOP PLAYING YUNI SO MUCH …

Johnny Giavotella may have been struggling, but his range is better than that of a rake. Yuni Betancourt’s range is the width of a smartphone screen. Teams know this and hit the ball in that direction often (they merely hit it over the defense when Sanchez starts).

SELL THE TEAM …

We can dream, can’t we? Or David Glass could spend some of the luxury tax money he pockets every year and stop running the franchise like it’s a Walmart.

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