Conference realignment. Like the jello of the month club, it’s the gift that keeps on giving. I had no idea when I wrote this blog, then this one, that we’d have a trilogy. But, thanks to Missouri, we get a part three. Much like Nebraska last summer and Texas A&M a few weeks ago, plenty of folks are flinging venom Missouri’s direction.
It’s ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve you. The Big 12 is completely dysfunctional. One quarter of the teams have left the conference in a little over a year, and it might be one third by the end of this month. Clearly, the league has plenty of issues.
Look no further than Texas for the biggest issue. The rest of the Big 12, save little brother Texas Tech, can’t stand the Longhorns. Bevo’s where my third casting call begins for a movie about the strugg-a-ling Big “12” …
In the role of Texas … The Wizard of Oz
Credit to former co-worker Tully “T-Bone” Corcoran on this one. Texas is the wizard of the conference, hiding behind a curtain of passive aggressive bullying that’s leveling a damn good league.
In the role of Oklahoma … Michael Scott
Like the boss of “The Office,” Oklahoma wields power. But that face-palm from the Pac-12 (thanks to Texas and its Longhorn Network) made the Sooners look painfully incompetent, much like Steve Carrel does to perfection on the best show on TV.
In the role of Oklahoma State … Dwight K. Schrute
The Cowboys are to Oklahoma what Dwight K. Schrute is to Michael Scott … assistant to the regional manager.
In the role of Texas A&M … Ric Flair
Ric Flair was great. WAS. Now he’s just a sad, aging, has-been hanging on to the glory days of at least a decade ago. The Aggies can identify.
In the role of Texas Tech … Mini Me
How in the world does Texas Tech, among all these great schools, land safely in this mess? Because the Red Raiders are Dr. Evil’s, er Texas’, boy.
In the role of Baylor … Luke Skywalker
I’ve never liked Skywalker. One of the whiniest heroes in movie history. And where does Baylor, which didn’t give a damn about leaving its brethren behind in the Southwestern Conference, get off suing anybody about bailing out?
In the role of Missouri … Sandy Lyle
One of the most underrated movie characters of all time. Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s role has much in common with the Tigers, who appear to be underappreciated by most of the schools in the Big 12. Give me a break, Kansas, K-State, etc. If you had a chance to leave for the SEC, you’d do it in a heartbeat.
In the role of Kansas … White Goodman
This “we’re not playing you if you leave” theme reeks of sour grapes. Even Bill Self ripped Missouri. B-O-O, H-OO. If your football program wasn’t FCS-esque, you might have an offer, too. But it isn’t. So drop the self-righteous arrogance.
In the role of Kansas State … Willie Scott
One radio host in Kansas City is scared to death his team is going to end up in the Big Sky. Almost as scared as the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom dame.
In the role of Iowa State … Milton Waddams
Mostly because nobody really cares what happens to Iowa State, which is sad, because the Cyclones have been a good member of the conference.