Faith in Missouri’s Haith: It could be better … and worse

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Faith in Haith. Let’s hope that works out for Missouri fans, who’ve been put through the ringer (again) during the search for new basketball coach Frank Haith.

Never before has a fan base been more united in its disdain for the decision athletics director Mike Alden made to hire the former Miami coach.

But, Haith had a great opening press conference, and I expect him to do much better than most predict.

Enough of the seriousness. Here’s a look at five hires that would have been better, and five that would have been worse for the Tigers:

FIVE BETTER HIRES

JESUS

A common belief among Missouri fans is that god hates the Tigers. What better way to get on the big guy’s side than to hire his son? Plus, he did have a long NBA career …

http://www.theonion.com/articles/christ-returns-to-nba,1996/

NORMAN DALE

Yes, I realize he’s 109 years old (not to mention fictitious), but he does share a name with the best coach in the school’s history …

PATCHES O’HOULIHAN

Hey, he got a group of losers to beat White Goldman …

PHIL WESTON

But only if he brings his assistant, Juice Box …

MR. MIYAGI

Anybody who convinces a guy that the crane kick can’t be defended is a genius (And “Get him a body bag” is a wildly underrated movie quote) …

FIVE WORSE HIRES

MEPHISTOPHELES (THE DEVIL)

Some Missouri fans say the Tigers sold their soul to the guy (still waiting on the return, too). And let’s be honest, Satan has a long track record of losing …

CHARLIE SHEEN

Yeah, he talks a lot about how he’s wiiiinnnninnngg, but after watching this, I beg to differ …

QUIN SNYDER

“Don’t worry about the score …” You can’t make this stuff up, folks …

DAVE BLISS

It doesn’t get much worse than organizing a smear campaign against a homicide victim who happened to play on your basketball team …

MIKE ANDERSON 

Let’s see: His team completely regressed the last two months of his final year at Mizzou, he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) recruit St. Louis, one of his star players and a great ambassador for the school (Kim English) was considering transferring if Anderson came back next season, and he couldn’t have left in a worse way. Missouri is better off without him …


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