Big 12 rankings, Week Five: The “Naked Gun” edition

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Five weeks into the conference season Texas and Kansas are clearly the best teams in the Big 12. As for spots Nos. 3-10? Flip a coin with two games separating eight teams. The Week Five Big 12 rankings are brought to you by “Naked Gun.” Credit to my boy Scott Rochat for pitching those flicks in honor of Leslie Nielsen.

 1. TEXAS (22-3, 10-0, +5): Ho hum, another two victories for the Longhorns last week. Two reasons for concern, though: 1. Texas looks bored at times. 2. The Longhorns’ free throws are like “a bunch of bombs in the air …” (“Hey everybody, it’s Enrico Pallazzo!”)

2. KANSAS (24-2, 9-1, +4): No. 1 for about eight hours, then utterly embarrassed by your arch rival. The Jayhawks better learn to play a little defense before the NCAA Tournament. Frank Drebin rubbed off Gorbachev’s birthmark … would he yank off Bill Self’s rug? …

3. BAYLOR (16-8, 6-5, +1): The Bears played Texas about as tough as anybody in the conference has, cutting a 17-point deficit to three with about two minutes left. Just when you think Scott Drew’s got it figured out, something like this happens …

4. TEXAS A&M (19-4, 6-4, +1): While it’s true Colorado and Texas Tech aren’t setting the world on fire, winning twice on the road last week was a much-needed boost for the Aggies. Before those wins, A&M had been playing like a bunch of vegetables …

5. MISSOURI (19-6, 5-5, Even): If the Tigers played like they did Monday in Lawrence consistently on the road, they’d be in contention for a top three seed. Still waiting for Mizzou to respond like this to the naysayers …

6. COLORADO (16-10, 5-6, -1): The Buffaloes survived – barely – against K-State, three days after choking against Texas A&M in a game they really had to have. Hey, the Buffs just wanna be loved, Ed …

7. KANSAS STATE (17-9, 5-6, -1): Monday is proof that it’s not too late for Kansas State to salvage its season. Maybe the Wildcats have discovered the “ghosts” of last year’s team …

8. NEBRASKA (16-8, 4-6, -1): If the Cornhuskers are serious about making the NCAA Tournament, they’ll make the most of their opportunity Saturday at home against Texas. Nebraska didn’t play Oregon State this season, but I’m including this clip because, well, it’s damn funny …

9. OKLAHOMA STATE (16-8, 4-6, -1): The Cowboys’ lone marquee victory is against a Missouri team that simply doesn’t win on the road. OSU has plenty of chances to improve its NCAA resume with games against Texas, Texas A&M and Kansas coming up. But I suspect that stretch will go something like this …

10. OKLAHOMA (12-12, 4-6, -1): We all know the Sooners were going to have a long season. Maybe watching this will help …

11. TEXAS TECH (11-14, 3-7, -3): Pat Knight’s days in Lubbock likely are numbered, but as his father once said, his critics can do this to his backside …

12. IOWA STATE (14-11, 1-9, -4): Hey, at least Cyclone fans can look forward to baseball season …

Big 12 Standings

Team                       Big 12          Overall          +/-

Texas                      10-0             22-3               +5

Kansas                    9-2                24-2               +4

Texas A&M           6-4                19-4               +1

Baylor                     6-5                16-8               +1

Missouri                 5-5                19-6               Even

Colorado                5-6                16-10             -1

Kansas State        5-6                17-9               Even

Nebraska               4-6                16-8               -1

Oklahoma State  4-6                16-8               -1

Oklahoma             4-6                12-12             -1

Texas Tech            3-7                11-14             -3

Iowa State            1-9                14-11             -4

Last week

Monday: Kansas 103, Missouri 86

Wednesday: Texas A&M 73, Colorado 70; Baylor 74, Nebraska 70; Texas 68, Oklahoma 52

Saturday: Texas A&M 70, Texas Tech 67; Missouri 84, Oklahoma 61; Texas 69, Baylor 60; Kansas 89, Iowa State 62; Nebraska 65, Oklahoma State 54; Colorado 58, Kansas State 56

This week

Monday: Kansas State 84, Kansas 66

Tuesday: Texas Tech at Missouri, Wayland Baptist at Baylor

Wednesday: Iowa State at Texas, Oklahoma State at Texas

Saturday: Missouri at Iowa State, Texas at Nebraska, Colorado at Kansas, Oklahoma at K-State

Big 12 rankings, Week 4: “Saturday Night Live” editionhttp://tinyurl.com/6aqkw82

Big 12 rankings, Week 3: “Office Space” editionhttp://tinyurl.com/6cw4gy9

Big 12 rankings, Week 2: One-hit wonders edition http://tinyurl.com/4zwe4jl

Big 12 rankings, Week 1: “The Big Lebowski” editionhttp://tinyurl.com/66dexn2

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