Big 12 scandals and controversies: The books that should be written

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The Big 12 as we know lasted just 16 seasons, but the conference had its share of scandals and controversies over the years. As the Big 12-2 winds down, here’s a look at 12 books that should be written …

KANSAS: “2+2=5: The Darrell Arthur story,” by Darrell “Shady” Arthur

Hey, there’s evidence the guy didn’t pass a math class in high school (his grade was allegedly changed from 45 percent to 70 percent) and shouldn’t have been eligible to play basketball at Kansas, which likely means the Jayhawks don’t win a national title in 2008.

Shady math? Eh, it was only 25 percentage points.

MISSOURI: “How to make Saltines shake,” by Ed and Amy Stewart, foreword by Rickey Clemons

Aside from Baylor’s disaster in the early 2000s, it doesn’t get much more embarrassing than the jailhouse tapes that helped derail Quin Snyder’s run at Missouri. A lot of people think Clemons was the one who said, “Them crackas be shakin’,” but it was actually Missouri assistant athletic director Ed Stewart who relayed that message to his wife Amy about Missouri’s crackas, I mean, athletic department officials.

Apparently you can get suckers, but not razors in Boone County jail.

NEBRASKA: “Anger management,” by Nebraska coach Bo Pelini. Odds Pelini delivers a Chuck Norris roundhouse to Taylor Martinez in 2011? 3:2

KANSAS STATE: “Big Purple Pimpin’,” by former K-State coach Ron Prince

Seriously, this guy got how much money for running the Wildcats into the ground? Not only did he get a buyout of more than $1 million when he was fired in 2009, but also up to $3.2 million more because of a secret agreement with former AD Bob Krause. The sides are in a legal battle over said money. Still, Prince is the Million Dollar Man …

IOWA STATE: “How Natty Light ruined by career,” by former Iowa State coach Larry Eustachy

This story is well-documented. How a Division I college basketball coach can go to a dorm, slam skunky beer, pose for photos and not expect it to show up on the Internet is the stuff of legend. Funny thing is, those photos of Eustachy drinking with co-eds at Mizzou were on tigerboard.com months before the scandal broke.

Why is a coach making $1 million a year drinking Natty Light?

COLORADO: “Tact,” by former football coach Gary Barnett

Remember these quotes about former female kicker Katie Hnida: “It was obvious Katie was not very good. She was awful. … Katie was not only a girl, she was terrible. OK?” Barnett was responding to a question about Hnida, cut several years earlier. Of course, it came on the heels of accusations by several, including Hnida, of sexual harassment and rape in Colorado’s program.

Anyone notice Colorado hasn't done a thing since it bounced Gary Barnett?

OKLAHOMA: “Picking the best cell phone plan for dummies,” by Kelvin Sampson

Sampson’s philosophy: “If you’re going to cheat, make it worthwhile.” He had a great run at Oklahoma, possibly aided by the 500-plus illegal phone calls to 17 recruits during his tenure, according to findings during an NCAA investigation. Sampson went to Indiana, changed his cell phone carrier and promptly made a plethora of illegal calls there, too.

"Nobody can track cell phone calls. Trust me."

OKLAHOMA STATE: “Keeping your cool in an interview,” by Dez Bryant

Remember that “Seinfeld” in which Kramer is coaching Miss Rhode Island? In preparation for the interview, Kramer asks her if she would sleep with the enemy to end a conflict ….. Bryant was merely asked my Miami GM Jeff Ireland if his mother was a prostitute.

TEXAS: “How to join a conference, then overthrow it,” by DeLoss Dodds

Texas is Walter Sobchak, and the rest of the Big 12 is Donny Kerabatsos.

TEXAS A&M: “Karma’s a bitch,” by Dennis Franchione

Remember when Franchione, a Kansas native, bolted from Alabama for Texas A&M without telling his team? That was 2002. Five mostly forgetful seasons later, Franchione was done in College Station with a 32-28 record … and a few extra dollars raised by selling insider info to Aggie boosters through a newsletter.

Seriously? A secrect newsletter that boosters have to pay for when you're making over $1 million per year?

TEXAS TECH: “The closet,” by Mike Leach. Foreword by Craig James

If you’re going to chose a player to lock in a closet/shed, the son (Adam James) of a famous ESPN personality probably isn’t the best option. The Red Raiders paid the price for firing Leach, though, namely a lackluster/boring 8-5 season.

Timeouts might work during a game, but not a good idea to give a player a time out during practice.

BAYLOR: “Shame,” By Dave Bliss

The scandal in Baylor’s basketball program just isn’t something to poke fun at. Not many college athletic scandals include the death of a player. The “Godfather” of scandals had everything from drugs to paying players to death to Bliss trying to cover the latter up.

Note: My apologies for the Seinfeld and Godfather links not working. Youtube is a massive pain in the ass. Blame them.

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