Big 12 rankings, Week 9: The cartoon villain edition

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Texas. That’s what may end up standing between Nebraska and a shot at a national title this season after the Cornhuskers whipped Missouri in a game that likely wrapped up the Big 12 North.

So what did we learn in last week? Well, Missouri got Pinkeled again. Or maybe it was Yosted or Steckeled. Either way, the Tigers got outcoached (again) in a huge game. The Oklahoma win two weeks ago goes a long way, but not showing up the following week against a hated rival lessens the impact of that victory.

This week’s rankings are brought to you by cartoon villains.

1. NEBRASKA (7-1, 3-1): Last week, defeated Missouri 31-17. This week, at Iowa State. How in the hell did the Cornhuskers lose to Texas at home? That first-quarter performance against Missouri was as good as Nebraska has looked in years. So why am I comparing Nebraska to this guy? Well, because I like needling Nebraska fans, who remind me of him …

2. MISSOURI (7-1, 3-1): Last week, lost at Nebraska 31-17. This week, at Texas Tech. It’d be easy to say Missouri got outcoached (it did) and outplayed (it did), but Nebraska was just plain better. That said, any Missouri fan disappointed in a 7-1 record and possible 11-1 regular season is, well, an idiot. That said, the Tigers’ coaching staff looked a lot like this guy Saturday …

3. OKLAHOMA (7-1, 3-1): Last week, defeated Colorado 43-10. This week, at Texas A&M. Any other year, you figure the Sooners are going to waltz into the Big 12 title game. Suddenly though, those back-to-back road games against Baylor and Oklahoma State look daunting. But, hey, OU has the best coach in the league, so we’ll compare Bob Stoops to this guy, the best cartoon villain …

4. BAYLOR (7-2, 4-1): Last week, defeated Texas 30-22. This week, at Oklahoma State. Good for Baylor. After years of misery, the Bears have a legit shot at playing for a Big 12 title. Winning this week in Stillwater would go a long way to making that happen. I really have nothing against Baylor, but come on, 20 years to contend? That’s Skeletoresque …

5. OKLAHOMA STATE (7-1, 3-1): Last week, defeated Kansas State 24-14. This week, vs. Baylor. Despite having an awful defense, the Cowboys are in the driver’s seat to win the division with home games against Baylor and Oklahoma State. Let’s hope Justin Blackmon learned his lesson and stops acting like this …

Note: My old man once referred to these fellas as Bursitis and Butt-head. You can’t make that up.

6. KANSAS STATE (5-4, 2-3): Last week, lost to Oklahoma State 24-14. This week, vs. Texas. This is probably a little too high for the Wildcats right now, but the bottom six really is a muddled mess. Ladies and gentleman, Bill Snyder …

7. TEXAS A&M (5-3, 2-2): Last week, defeated Texas Tech  45-27. This week, vs. Oklahoma. How’s this for a closing stretch: Vs. Oklahoma, at Baylor, vs. Nebraska, at Texas. That spells 5-7. Aggie fans are soon to be angry, if they aren’t already, kind of like this guy …

8. IOWA STATE (5-4, 3-2): Last week, defeated Kansas 28-16. This week, vs. Nebraska. Paul Rhoads continues to do solid work in Ames. Getting this team to a bowl game, which seems likely with a game remaining against Colorado, with that schedule is impressive. Very Cobra Commanderish (I always thought Cobra Commander was badass, even if he never won) …

9. TEXAS (4-4, 2-3): Last week, lost to Baylor 30-22. This week, at Kansas State. One year removed from playing for a national title, the Longhorns need to split their final four games just to qualify for a bowl game. Mack Brown, you’re coaching like this …

10. TEXAS TECH (4-4, 2-4): Last week, lost to Texas A&M 45-27. This week, vs. Missouri. The Red Raiders host Missouri, then play at Oklahoma, meaning they could need to win their final two games to be bowl-eligible. Tech’s defense has been about as effective as thees guys were against Optimus Prime …

11. COLORADO (3-5, 0-4): Last week, lost to Oklahoma 43-10. This week, at Kansas. The good news? The Buffaloes have Kansas, Iowa State and Kansas State next. The bad news? They’re playing as well as this guy …

12. KANSAS (2-6, 0-4): Last week, lost to Iowa State 28-16. This week, vs. Colorado. Here’s your chance to avoid a winless Big 12 season, Jayhawks. As for your cartoon alter ego …

Looking for previous Big 12 rankings? …

Week 1, “Tommy Boy” edition: http://tinyurl.com/29anpkt

Week 2, “Dumb and Dumber” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2aamn56 

Week 3, “Napoleon Dynamite” edition: http://tinyurl.com/23rrux5 

Week 4, “Ace Ventura” edition: http://tinyurl.com/24gqo3m

Week 5, “Happy Gilmore” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2c6dy69 

Week 6, “Swingers” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2epmfn4

Week 7, Rap videos edition: http://tinyurl.com/2dnfezk

Week 8, “Seinfeld” edition: http://tinyurl.com/387zmgr

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