Week 7 Big 12 rankings: The rap video version

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We’re a quarter of the way through the conference season, and only three teams (Oklahoma, Oklahoma State and Missouri) are unbeaten in conference. Each of those teams is 6-0 midway through the schedule.

So what did we learn in Week 7? Follow the rapper, yo. This week’s rankings are brought to you by rap videos, fo schizzle.

1. OKLAHOMA (6-0, 2-0): Last week, defeated Iowa State 52-0. Next week, at Missouri. Ho hum, like Warren G and Nate Dogg, Bob Stoops and the Sooners continue to regulate …

2. MISSOURI (6-0, 2-0): Last week, defeated Texas A&M 30-9.  Next week, vs. Oklahoma. So far, it’s been nuthin’ but a G Thang, as in Blaine Gabbert and great defense. Win next week and the Tigers can start dreaming big.

3. OKLAHOMA STATE (6-0, 2-0): Last week, defeated Texas Tech 34-17. Next week, vs. Nebraska. Suddenly, the Cowboys look legit with the Cornhuskers coming to town. Somebody inform Mike Gundy his lettuce looks like this guy’s …

4. TEXAS (4-2, 2-1): Last week, defeated Nebraska 20-13. Next week, vs. Iowa State. Pretty much everybody outside of Texas fans hates the Longhorns, let’s be honest. But for one week, we all loved them for going Suge Knight on Nebraska. The Horns treated the Huskers like Suge treated this guy in the early 1990s (legend has it his thugs dangled him off a balcony until he agreed to sign over the rights to his only hit) …

Note: I apologize for not being able to post the original “Ice Ice Baby” video. Send all complaints to the embed assclowns at YouTube.

5. NEBRASKA (5-1, 1-1): Last week, lost to Texas 20-13. Next week, at Oklahoma State. Stay with me here: “And all the Huskers in the top 10, allow Texas to bump thee; Pelini’s steppin small, ya’ll; and just like Humpty Dumpty, the the Black Shirts are gonna fall when a real offense tests thee.” Hey, Bo Pelini does resemble Digital Underground’s Shock G …

6. KANSAS STATE (5-1, 2-1): Last week, defeated Kansas 59-7. Next week, at Baylor. It was just like old times for the Wildcats, who knee-capped (props to Jeff Patterson for that verb) their arch rival. I can’t resist being the first person to compare Bill Snyder to Jay-Z. The comparison? Snyder is god (to K-Staters) and Jay-Z is H to the izzo, V to the izzay (HOVA) …

7. BAYLOR (5-2, 2-1): Last week, defeated Colorado 31-25. Next week, at Kansas State. The Bears are one win from bowl eligibility. The last time Baylor went to a bowl game (1994), this was the big rhyme …

8. TEXAS A&M (3-3, 0-2): Last week, lost to Missouri 30-9. Next week, at Kansas: The bad news for the Aggies: They aren’t very good. The good news for the Aggies: They play Kansas next. Prediction? Pain. For the Jayhawks …

9. TEXAS TECH (3-3, 1-3): Last week, lost to Oklahoma State 34-17. Next week, at Colorado. Yeah, I realize the Red Raiders beat Baylor (barely, and at home), but they’re also 1-2 in Lubbock with a pair of double-digit losses. So far, going from Leach to Tuberville has been wiggity wiggity wack, like going from 50 cent to these guys …

10. IOWA STATE (3-4, 1-2): Last week, lost to Oklahoma 52-0. Next week, at Texas. Relief (a game against Kansas Oct. 30) is close, Cyclones. What does this this clip have to do with Iowa State football? Nothing. I just think it’s great Joe Pesci cut a rap video …

11. COLORADO (3-3, 0-2): Last week, lost to Baylor 31-25. Next week, vs. Texas Tech. I’m starting to feel sorry for Dan Hawkins. I’ll say this for him, he’s kinda like the Busta Rhymes of Big 12 coaches, just a little crazy …

12. KANSAS (2-4, 0-2): Last week, lost to Kansas State 59-7. Next week, vs. Texas A&M. Worst. Big 12 team. Ever. Technically, this crap below is considered rap. And, frankly, I know a lot of Kansas fans like this who wear Abercrombie and Fitch …

Looking for previous Big 12 rankings? …

Week 1, “Tommy Boy” edition: http://tinyurl.com/29anpkt

Week 2, “Dumb and Dumber” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2aamn56 

Week 3, “Napoleon Dynamite” edition: http://tinyurl.com/23rrux5

Week 4, “Ace Ventura” edition: http://tinyurl.com/24gqo3m

Week 5, “Happy Gilmore” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2c6dy69

Week 6, “Swingers” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2epmfn4

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