Big 12 rankings, week 6: The “Swingers” edition

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As I sit here and type, I’m watching the Chiefs-Colts game and wondering if Todd Haley is drunk. An onside kick on the road against Indianapolis on the opening kickoff? Going for it on fourth-and-2 down 3-0 in the first quarter … and HAVING MATT CASSEL THROW on that play when you’ve got two great running backs? What’s next? Maybe  a double reverse with Brian Waters and Glenn Dorsey?

Anywho, on to the task at hand. The Week 6 Big 12 rankings are brought to you by “Swingers,” the great 1990s movie that launched the careers of Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau and Heather Graham, among others.

Here are the previous five rankings:

Week 1, “Tommy Boy” edition: http://tinyurl.com/29anpkt

Week 2, “Dumb and Dumber” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2aamn56 

Week 3, “Napoleon Dynamite” edition: http://tinyurl.com/23rrux5

Week 4, “Ace Ventura” edition: http://tinyurl.com/24gqo3m

Week 5, “Happy Gilmore” edition: http://tinyurl.com/2c6dy69

1. OKLAHOMA (5-0, 1-0): Last week, bye week. The Sooners had a bye last week and pretty much have one this week against Iowa State. Oklahoma’s going to make the Cyclones’ heads bleed. …

2. NEBRASKA (5-0, 1-0): Last week, hammered Kansas State 48-13. The Cornhuskers might be the best team in the conference, but I maintain that K-State has been wildly overvalued. Nonetheless, Nebraska looks like a big bear with claws and fangs. …

3. MISSOURI (5-0, 1-0): Last week, shut out Colorado 26-0. The end of the dominant spread offense may be nearing. The Tigers’ offense just hasn’t been what it was. Then again, there’s no Jeremy Maclin, Danario Alexander, Chase Coffman or Martin Rucker on the roster. MU’s defense has been very good and gets a big test at Texas A&M this week. Anyway, Gary Pinkel strikes me as a scotch guy …

4. OKLAHOMA STATE (5-0, 1-0): Last week, beat Louisiana-Lafayette 54-28. Dana Holgorsen has done a nice job retooling the Cowboys’ offense. Now, can he coach the defense? OSU has a big test this week at Texas Tech. As for a tie-in with “Swingers,” I can see Mike Gundy acting like Vince Vaughn in this scene …

5. TEXAS (3-2, 1-1): Last week, bye week. How is it Nebraska gets these guys when they’ve got their worst team in years? Especially when they’ll be gone to the Big Ten (plus two) by next season. Texas fans are flying coach this season …

6. TEXAS A&M (3-2, 0-1): Last week, lost to Arkansas 24-17. The Aggies are a few plays away from being 5-0 after a three-point loss to Oklahoma State and last week’s loss to the Razorbacks. They’re back home Saturday for a game they have to win against Missouri. The end of the Aggies’ last two games has been like this for their fans …

7. TEXAS TECH (3-2, 1-2): Last week, beat Baylor 45-38. The Red Raiders looked like the Red Raiders of old offensively. Well, and defensively. Then again, it might have been the opponent. As for this clip, well, they are the “Red” Raiders …

8. KANSAS STATE (4-1, 1-1): Last week, lost to Nebraska 48-13. I won’t say I told you so. The hell with that, I told you so, Wildcats. Last Thursday, EMAW meant “Every Man Ass-Whupped.” K-State fans should feel a little like Mikey in this scene …

9. BAYLOR (4-2, 1-1): Last week, lost to Texas Tech 45-38. One step forward, one step back. Saturday was a great opportunity for the Bears, and they blew it. Baylor needs a pick-me-up, so here you go Bears …

10. COLORADO (3-2, 0-1): Last week, lost to Missouri 26-0. Dan Hawkins’ legacy at Colorado is going to include being owned by Gary Pinkel, who’s beat him five straight times in games that haven’t been remotely close. I picture Hawkins doing this in his younger years …

11. IOWA STATE (3-3, 1-1): Last week, lost to Utah 68-27. Utah’s actually pretty good, but 68 points to the Utes? At home? Not a good sign for the Cyclones, who play at Oklahoma this week and at Texas the week after. And there’s the rub …

12. KANSAS (2-3, 0-1): Last week, bye week. On the positive side, the Jayhawks didn’t lose last week. This week, it’s the Sunflower Showdown. Try to say that without laughing. As for all those angry Jayhawk fans, “eat, eat you jackals” …

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