Big 12 rankings Week Three: The “Napoleon Dynamite” edition

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Week One, the “Tommy Boy” version http://tinyurl.com/29anpkt. Week Two, the “Dumb and Dumber” edition http://tinyurl.com/2aamn56. What to do for Week Three? Well, since it was on Saturday during the Kansas State game, it’s gotta be the “Napoleon Dynamite” cut of the Big 12 rankings, gosh:

1. Texas (3-0, 1-0): Beat Texas Tech 24-14. The big-spending Longhorns keep on rollin’. Yes, money grows on trees in Austin …

Uncle Rico: Money doesn\’t grow on trees

2.Oklahoma (3-0): Beat Air Force 27-24. Do the Sooners ever play outside of Norman? Gosh. Hard to figure this team out with a rout of Florida State sandwiched between escapes against Utah State and Air Force. But Napoleon digs the Sooners, cause his old girlfriend is from Oklahoma, and she’s got nice bangs …

I like her bangs

3, Nebraska (3-0): Beat Washington 56-21. Don’t get me wrong, the Cornhuskers are good, but Washington’s Jake Locker is one of the most overrated players in college football in years. Dude doesn’t have this kind of accuracy …

4. Missouri (3-0): Beat San Diego State 27-24. Consider this the best of the rest ranking. Outside the top three, it’s a muddled mess. The Tigers need to hire Uncle Rico as their offensive coordinator because he can throw a ball over them mountains …

Over them mountains

5. Kansas State (3-0, 1-0): Beat Iowa State 27-20. Farmegeddon? Do the schools actually embrace this stupid name for the matchup at Arrowhead? Whoever came up with that name oughta be thrown out the window …

Throw out the window

6. Texas A&M (3-0): Beat Florida International 27-20. Something about needing 21 points in the fourth quarter to beat freaking Florida International. It’s just not good. Remember when the Aggies were good, like in ’82? …

Back in \’82

7. Oklahoma State (3-0): Beat Tulsa 65-28. Why does Tulsa keep playing this game. It’s like Rex whooping Kip …

8. Texas Tech (2-1, 0-1): Lost to Texas 24-14. The Red Raiders won’t be ranked this low for long. It’s just that they’re not interesting … and we want them to leave now with that boring offense because they’re ruining everybody’s lives …

Get off my property

9. Baylor (2-1): Lost to TCU 45-10. TCU is very good, but come on Bears! 45-10? If we could go back in time, maybe Baylor would take state …

I\’d take state

10. Colorado (2-1): Beat Hawaii 31-13. I really hope Dan Hawkins keeps his job. He’s the Rex of college football coaches …

Rex Kwon Do

11. Kansas (1-2): Lost to Southern Mississippi 31-16. Still trying to figure out how this team beat Georgia Tech. Maybe Turner Gill’s good with a bow staff …

Good with a bow staff

12. Iowa State (1-2, 0-1): Lost to K-State 27-20. The Cyclones play Northern Iowa next, then get Texas Tech, Utah, Oklahoma and Texas. Translation: 2-6 start. No metaphors or catchy lead-ins here, other than it’d be irresponsible to write a blog on Napoleon Dynamite without the dance scene …

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