Who Kansas should hire to replace Lew Perkins

Standard

I’m going to miss Sweet Lew Perkins. The Kansas AD has been such an easy target of late, whether it’s ticket scandals, angling for free exercise equipment he never used, taking private jets and limos to games or attempting to bully female TV reporters, he’s chicken soup for the soul of bloggers.

Thing is, Perkins actually was pretty good at his job. Shady maybe, but he raised a ton of money at Kansas and the Jayhawks won a national title and bought, I mean won, an Orange Bowl. In reality, a lot of opposing fans hate Perkins because of his success (that and he had the personality of Statler and Waldorf).

So Kansas has an important hire to make. The school could go with a familiar face like Kevin Pritchard. I hope the university goes for the big splash. Here’s a few suggestions:

Marion “Suge” Knight, co-founder and former CEO of Death Row Records

I know damn well I wasn’t the only one on Urban Dictionary trying to decipher Tyshawn Taylor’s facebook posts. I still don’t know what the hell “point plank’n” means. Assuming it has nothing to do with pirates. Anyway, who better to translate than “Suge,” who has a proven track record of making a crapload of money. He also played college football. And if he can mend fences with Dre and Snoop, Kansas would have one hell of a halftime show.

P.S. RE: The video above: Since when is Akon, whose biggest hit is the mushy ass love song “Don’t Matter,” a thug rivaling the guy who dangled Vanilla Ice off a balcony?

Joe Pesci, former Oscar winner

It’s the only way Kansas is going to match rival Kansas State’s tough persona now that they have angry Frank Martin running the basketball program. You think that’s funny? What the f#$@ is so funny about me? Like I’m a clown? How am I funny?

Al Bohl, former Kansas athletic director

This is America, land of the second, third, fourth, up to 20th chance. Yeah, Bohl made mistakes, like running off Roy Williams by not doing whatever Roy told him to do, and the whole crushed dove press conference. Then again, he did hire Mark Mangino, whose not looking too bad right now after that embarrassing loss to North Dakota State.

You forgot to wash my car, didn't you Al?

Aloysius Snuffleupagus

Other than having Snuffleupagus in a blog with Suge Knight and Darth Vader, I don’t have a reason to hire him. He has the exact opposite personality of Perkins, plus his best friend is a bird.

Darth Vader

A lot of Kansas fans liked Perkins. He did try to intimidate the media. This would be one hell of a way to  influence journalists …

Dr. Evil and Mini Me

Kansas would only have to pay them $1 billion. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Who Kansas should hire to replace Lew Perkins

  1. shana

    toooo funny! Had me laughing out loud. Yes, people were beginning to wonder what was wrong with me. Suge is my vote, btw.

    • Ernie Webb III

      Thanks Shana. Just not sure if Lawrence is Suge’s type of scene. But if you do the West side hand signal with both hands and turn your right hand upside down, you got a Midwest side signal.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s